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wMonday, May 24, 2004 |
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and so it goes
well my day has begun ceremoniously shittily. i had such a good and calming end of the week and weekend too. i knew it had to be too good to be true. and now i'm sitting here at work. unfocused. frustrated. upset that i let my personal issues get in the way too often of other things i should be doing. upset i let certain people affect me so much. but i know it's all just a sign of that i care about them despite all of it and maybe more than i should. but i can't turn the fountain off as much as i would like to. it bothers me to know that i can be replaced so easily. i've always been easily replaced by everyone, except michael maybe. you say i mean this and meant that but all i get is the opposite. michael weirdly said last night, "you have so many friends," to which i responded, "yeah, but hardly any good friends." after unreturned phone calls, broken plans, failed engagements, i feel like nothing more but lines on this silly site to so many. don't get me wrong, there are a few great people in my life and i know i am not thankful enough for/to them. i've debated numerous times if this site should come to an end...and maybe it would be for the best. it's helped me through a lot of things over the past couple years. shown some people other sides of my personality they might not have ordinarily gotten to see. and the part i would miss most, endeared me to complete strangers. the 1000th post is coming up in the next week or so...maybe that would be the best way to end it? 1-1000. ironically enough, the season finale of the simpsons last night was about burns buying out all the media outlets in springfield and shutting them all down. maybe i'm finally being bought out and shut down too, not with money unfortunately, but with scattered emotions, misstrewn words, and my deaf monologue.
best,
chris
np: a camp "frequent flyer"
i need something to direct me to it
posted by
Superball9 at 11:10 AM |
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it is all about you, you see
i find it odd the scores of people who admittedly (and unadmittedly) won't talk to me but yet continue to read this thing. then scour between the lines trying to find reference to themselves, and occasionally comment back anonymously. maybe it's there, maybe it's not, maybe it really doesn't fucking matter. but why if you won't talk to me will you waste your time reading this thing? if you admittedly don't care what i have to say to you, then why would you care what i have to say to the rest of the world. why would you read this thing, but not my emails, and then rebuke my attempts to clear up anything that might or might not have been said face-to-face. let's just get settled on one thing, okay? if i don't mention you...it's not about you. you'll save yourself a lot of frustration, and me a lot of unnecessary explanation. somethings are just bigger than one person. bigger than you. bigger than me. and often times they go unnamed.
best,
chris
np: a camp "frequent flyer"
would you help me back my bags
posted by
Superball9 at 9:26 AM |
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